if you like me you must not know who I am
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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