His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
