I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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