ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
