So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize