All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
