he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
