guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
