So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
