Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
