Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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