Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
