I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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