Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
