Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
