her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
