oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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