I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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