haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Randomize
