my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize