Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
