We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
