Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
