My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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