I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
