Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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