I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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