Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I think my vagina is haunted
i just google imaged poop.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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