Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
