Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
