is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize