We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
