I think I died a long time ago.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
