a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
