dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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