omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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