Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
