i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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