the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
