dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
