I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
