Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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