OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
