1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
