i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
