we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
