Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
