dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
