who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
