im gay
i know
yea but for you.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Randomize
