I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize