dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize