Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
