in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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