There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
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