yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Randomize
