You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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