he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I could make wine with my vomit
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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