No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
