remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
