if i died would you start the facebook group?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
