can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Randomize
