Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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